My thoughts this evening are inspired by Passion Pit "Carried Away". The lyrics made me think of all the times I haven't made an ugly scene. When I could have.
I was reading a post from an acquaintance on Facebook and it was rude to say the least. Then I read an email from someone who can type for a page and say nothing. I went back and forth about making snarky comments but I didn't. What I'm wondering is, why? We've all met those people who don't have a filter. I am offended, put-off and generally annoyed by them. Yet, I rarely say anything in response to their comments, online or personally. Even when I usually have a really strong response to their ridiculousness!
One reason, is because I don't think quickly on my feet. I always have the right thing to say 5 minutes later. I don't look at that as a weakness because when I need time to think about responding in a tricky situation, I am really good at not jumping the gun and saying something I will immediately regret. This is a very learned response from years of speaking to parents and students, years of being on committee's and executives and now, a few years of having teenagers. Yet, in the situation of the chronically rude, I fall short.
Another reason is because I don't really think it will make a difference so why waste my energy? Have you noticed rude people don't particularly care about your opinion? They're too rude to notice how most people don't really like them. I generally don't make it my job to inform them of this fact.
The third reason is I spend my day correcting behavior in the hopes that the small people I have the joy being with, grow up to be productive citizens. I'm not kidding. Have you spent anytime in the vicinity of children? They are awesome and inspirational but they can be rude. So I redirect, correct and love them anyway. There, I just found one of the causes to my passive aggressive behavior towards rude people. I believe kindness is powerful and by stooping the level of a toilet seat, I won't accomplish what I would like!
So what would it look like if I turned off my filter? Well in those few moments of what I consider weakness, I have lost my shit. I have yelled, I have screamed, I have tossed out, I have walked out. It's not pretty. Those who love me the most have had the privilege of seeing that side of me. It's not just spitting out a rude comment, or saying what I really think. It's a meltdown. It feels amazing for about 10 seconds and then I start re-living my lack of control. So, that would be the center of things for me. I see being rude and crass as a lack of self-control. I'm not ashamed to admit I have spent some serious fuming about certain people, yet that is all. Fuming and perhaps venting to my husband or friend. I have created the perfect movie scene where I finally tell them exactly how irritating they are. Somehow, those have become my coping strategies. Perhaps, there will be a time in my life when I don't care anymore but I hope not. In the end, I tend to respect people who say things that are meaningful and useful. I tend to dismiss people who never close their hot air balloon! I won't ever tell you that to your face but maybe you can take a hint because I'm irritated and I just might get carried away.
