Nothing compares to friends. The interesting thing is that my cynical personality has kept me away from making friends for a long time. By cynical I mean distrusting and quick to assume it would be too much drama. Sometimes it can be but the other 99.9% of the time, I am grateful how easy it has become.
I believe I was one of those girls who was more comfortable with boys. They were a known evil. I had only brothers and male cousins. There was also my lack of role model. My Mom didn't have many friends. She often restricted my friendships as a child making me an outsider. So I hurtled into adulthood lacking some social skills.
Then there is the social anxiety. Not joking. Walking in to a room of people I know is horrifying. Saying goodbye to a room of people I know is horrifying. Yet I force myself to wave. Even acknowledging someone I know on the street may create an overwhelming urge to cross the street.
Then there is the fact I married someone in this small town who knows a LOT of people who now know me by default. They are in the rooms I walk into, they walk down the street and talk to me and they are whom I practice my social skills with.
On everyday that ends with a "y" I wish it was natural. I don't like being the center of attention or being put on the spot. I hide. My dream of being a rock star isn't likely due to the fact that I will have to hire someone to do the rock star part.
Yet, I have 3 amazing girlfriends. They came into my life when my walls were down due to circumstances and I let them in without really over thinking. What a joy to have friends to talk to, drink wine with and make plans with. We all have busy lives of work, school, kids, and relationships. We are all being swallowed by the same wave of life and there are times we cling together to keep afloat. That survival has bonded us. Has it always been easy? No. The part that I appreciate the most though, is there aren't wild expectations. We just roll with it, looking forward to the next time we get together and laugh. I also love our differences. There is a free spirit, a wandering spirit and 2 of us are old spirits. Together we fill out the corners of what a good relationship can look like.
I saw a painting yesterday at a home décor store of 4 older women in bikini's playfully mooning the camera. It reminded me of the adventures that are around the corner and how thankful I am to have them. Nothing compares. I need to get back to that store and buy that picture!
